Applause

This is a tough one. I’ve been criticized before for praising someone unworthy of praise, but I generally feel that applause is the balm that heals pretty much just about anything. You can easily applaud for mistakes in a humorous way (like if someone spills something), and it makes someone feel better, or you can applaud for someone who did a bad job (like a kid at a piano recital who screwed up the Entertainer), or you can genuinely applaud for someone who performed well (Barack Obama giving a speech). I’m not putting a whole lot of energy into this, but I can’t really think of a time that applauding would be bad other than applauding at the wrong time.

 

The system:

Applaud when someone has made a mistake and you know them well enough.

Applaud when someone feels self-conscious about their less than stellar performance.

Applaud when someone does a great job and you want them to know it.

Watch your language

I have massive respect for languages, and the range of what those languages can express. I also have massive respect for all aspects of the human experience, from the sacred to the profane as some would say.

Still, I can’t help but feel that a little taste goes a long way. This is not censorship, or anything. If you need to be vulgar, go ahead, just do it with care. The basic feeling is, if you’re re-using the swear words over and over again, that seems to me to be a little uncreative. It gets old, and while I’ve heard everything and I certainly am not going to die from hearing someone say something (unlike second hand or third hand smoke), I don’t necessarily feel good when people around me are using dirty language.

I know I’m opening up a major can of gummy worms on this one, so please feel free to comment.

Either way, the system is this: don’t overuse any word, especially the dirty ones. I guess this is a kind of “moderation” injunction. But it’s also a good system. If you train dirty words into your vocabulary, you may end up speaking them in situations where you shouldn’t, causing your other systems to fail. A question for reflection: Would you say this in front of your 3-year old niece or your 95-year old grandmother? If not, why are you really saying it? For attention? For an easy laugh? Because it’s become so ingrained you don’t even realize it? Or just because? If it’s any of those I would think that training it out of yourself would be a good thing.

It’s ok to use dirty language when quoting someone, but why not use the all-age appropriate “The x-word.”?

Following-Up When Afraid (By Request)

My system for following up is pretty straightforward. Do it! But what happens when you’re a little anxious or afraid of following-up? Let’s break this down.

Fear is a difficult thing to work with, and perhaps in another post, I’ll speak more directly to that, but in this case I think some clear things can be identified to help one follow-up even though afraid.

First, what are you following-up on? If it’s a job or a relationship situation, then there’s always the fear of rejection, or having to speak a truth that may be particularly hard for the other person to hear. This is a normal fear, and I think part of our responsibility to ourselves is to work (over the course of many years possibly) to be comfortable speaking our truth, even when it means rejection for us, or possible hurt for another. My system is simple, but not easy: Work over time to be more communicative with your truths, your needs, and your own power. This is not a Tony Robbins pep talk blog, this is a system blog, and I think that is the best system for overcoming fear in these situations: Train yourself to honor your needs and communicate your truth. How you work on that individually is laid out in many types of self-help books, and working with a therapist or learning meditation is probably a good place to start this kind of growth work.

If you’re having a hard time following-up in other situations (responding to a casual email, meeting someone for dinner) it seems to me like this would be more an issue of overcoming flakiness than overcoming fear. Maybe being flakey is one way of exercising fear (of becoming your best self?, of having people begin to expect too much of you?, of connection, intimacy?), in which case, I would also say that training over time to work out these kinks in your system is the best system. But if being flaky, is just flakiness, then I enthusiastically recommend embracing the simplicity of System Sally’s injunction: Just follow-up…it’s a great system for having people trust you, and for creating a strong foundation for other systems to work efficiently.

Please let me know in the comments if this was helpful, or if there’s some other angle I’m missing.

Following Up

It is important to follow up on many things. Applying for jobs requires following up. Responding to blog comments requires follow up. Having plans with a person requires a certain amount of follow up.

I owe someone a huge follow up. I let her know in a short direct email, and in person. These types of temporary follow-ups serve to let the person know how deeply you care about whatever is needing follow up, but the current circumstances aren’t allowing the follow up to meet up.

Also, follow up is very similar to responsibility. All my dedicated readers have probably been wanting more insight and systems from System Sally, but I haven’t been able to respond to that need in the way I would have liked. So, the need to maintain and update a blog, for example, is more a responsibility, which is really a constant follow up. A follow up is a short term responsibility.

This is less a system than an explanation of things. But the system is “Be responsible, and follow up where necessary. Do temporary follow-ups where necessary.” The advantages of this are many and include having people trust you, and creating a reliable system-wide system for other systems to work better.

Mobile Flossing

I do want to thank a reader for their question about this.

I thought this would have gone without saying, but even so, System Sally jumps at the opportunity to make further clarifications. When starting your mobile flossing system, surely keep this discrete. Do not floss where innocent people are living, walking, or eating, or anything of that nature.

Good places to floss mobile:
1. Your bedroom
2. Just outside the door if you’re walking your dog
3. In a bathroom
4. In your car, when you’ve just eaten at a restaurant and want to clean your mouth. Still, be discrete.

Giving Props where Props are due

Whenever you use something that someone else came up with you have to show respect for that person. Of course, in an academic paper, we use footnotes and bibliographies and there is a number of systems for doing that, but even in regular discourse it is always a sign of your integrity and understanding when you reference someone’s original idea. At some point, someone else came up with this idea, and I am simply restating it as a good system.

Menus

Using a menu properly can take some practice. There are three different types of menus. The first is a menu you look at while standing, another you look at while sitting, and the third is a sitting-style menu that is short and intentional, like you might find at a fancy restaurant.

With the first type (standing) you are standing while giving your order, and often times you are telling them exactly what you want as you point to it. This happens at Burrito places, fast food Chinese food places, and at street vendors. In these situations, if you can see the food you should trust your eyes, nose, and gut in deciding the food for you. If you cannot see the food, the menu above (or now more down near the cash register) you need to be able to quickly choose your food. If you are having a hard time, stand back from the line so people know they can go ahead of you.

With the second and third type (both sitting) you want to take the menu as it is handed to you, or lift it up from the table, and see what visually stimulates you. Still, the general policy is that you should follow systemsally’s number one restaurant rule, and along with that you should pretty much go to a restaurant already knowing mostly what you’re in the mood for. Don’t go to a mexican restaurant if you’re stomach is telling you sushi. That should be number two restaurant rule. I go to Italian restaurants usually because I want to eat a cheesy pasta dish, and then maybe I make the final choice in the moment whether I want chicken, shrimp, or vegetables. In other words, the main menu rule is that the menu should be there to simply finalize the craving you already had. Never look at prices. If you are out to eat, you already know you’re going to be paying way too much for food you could cook at home for 35 cents.

When you go out to a restaurant that someone else picks you should first follow the number one restaurant rule, be willing to try something new, or if that is going to work for you, most places have a fallback standard that you know you will like.

When you go out to a new kind of restaurant (like you’ve never been to ethipian) let the person you’re going out with make the call as to what to order. But learn the menu so you can repeat when you’re by yourself, or introducing someone else.

Ask wait staff what their favorite dishes are. You don’t actually value their opinion, it’s just that this an extension of the number one food rule, and it often uplifts the wait staff if they’re having a rough day.

Never read a menu from front to back. Always know there is something you have never seen before.

Sticking it to someone

Once you’ve established a certain amount of trust with someone, you should look for the opportunities that arise to stick it to them. Be loud, straightforward, intelligent, piercing, and sarcastic. Show them that your sticking it to them is actually a demonstration of your respect and caring for them, and shows them that you are comfortable enough with their intelligence that you know they will be able to handle it.

Whistling

Learn to whistle in as many ways as possible. Use whistling for:

1) Expressing happiness

2) Passing the time

3) Letting a performer know how well they did

Cashiers Waiters Salespeople

Always be super super friendly and jokey with your cashiers, waiters, and salespeople. Almost 95% of the time this serves to cheer them up and make their work less tedious.